In the marriage relationship, husbands and wives often become very close and interconnected physically, emotionally, socially and legally. But no matter how close a husband and wife are, if they have not completely understood the goals of marriage, then they cannot fully enjoy their relationship. They will never attain a true intimacy, but will instead develop a kind of dualistic personality with the other.
Many couples decide to live together with a type of material, worldly contract they agree to raise children, own a house, and share their daily activities, such as visiting relatives. If they do not have any clearly formulated aim of their own in life, they may marry from a concern about other’s people reactions and social expectations. Such people often live together for the sake of what others think of them. If this is the case, then something important is missing in the marriage, for such a couple has shared only the superficial aspects of life. However, when married people develop the awareness that their relationship is meant to help them attain the deeper purpose of life, they can create a complete mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual participation. Then the marriage is can lead them to genuine fulfilment.
Achieving inner oneness and unity is very important, because our outward behaviour and interactions cannot provide everything we are seeking. If two people live together physically, but never genuinely love each other on the deepest level, then within their conscious and unconscious minds there will always be conflicts or disturbances. If the people live together without love, they hurt and cheat themselves and create confusion within. Throughout married life, two people should continuously seek to become genuinely and progressively closer and more intimate in their relationship mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Sometimes people live together, not because they actually want to live together, not because they actually want to maintain a relationship, because they cannot live any other way. They have become dependent upon each other, and no longer have confidence in their own strength.
If people have entered marriage thinking that their wife or husband will make them happy or they will make them happy or that they have made a mistake. A mature person needs to outgrow such foolish and childlike ideas. Each person must learn to experience happiness within oneself. Trying to find happiness outside oneself, by depending on another person’s behaviour, leads only to frustration, anger and resentment. It is only when people find happiness within them that they can genuinely love and respect the other. Paradoxically, it is a sense of individuality that allows for genuine closeness. A relationship is not an obstacle to happiness in fact, married life is meant as a means toward the goal of perennial happiness. All worldly attainments and achievements can be means to happiness, provided that a person knows how to use them. A marriage relationship can bring a great change in person’s life. Through marriage and the process of learning to love, a whole personality can be changed and transformed and a whole life can be remodelled toward happiness. A couple should learn to enjoy themselves in all of the circumstances and situations in life.
Meditation is the best way for couples to begin to deepen their understanding. They can turn their attention increasingly and more fully to spiritual matters. The social and physical levels of union of marriage are not sufficient. A spiritual union should also grow, and it can develop through meditation. The process of nurturing a spiritual level of participation and communication is so important than if it is not present when old age comes, then the relationship weakens. It is important for couples to prepare for the experience of old age and learn to face together the issues of change, ageing and death. If the martial relationship is limited to being a physical relationship and has never grown beyond that, then the partners are not prepared for the challenges and questions of later life. Plant the seeds of spirituality early in your marriage so that they blossom in your old age. Then two people can live together joyfully and peacefully, attaining shared spiritual heights. Married life can become a serene way of living in the world. The couple share their spiritual attainment and achieving a state of freedom from all fears and miseries before being separated by nature. Even facing death would not hurt or frighten them because they had grown in wisdom and learned to see the purpose of their relationship clearly. They have made their relationship a means for self realisation.